I’m Not a Catfish I’m Photogenic


Nihilism 2K16 by officialmichaelgreenv6

Life is v difficult in general but choosing a profile picture for your social media profiles has got to be one of the hardest things known to mankind. I often find myself lost in the world of my camera roll trying to find a perfect profile picture for Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, Grindr, Google maps, etc. It’s not an easy task for many reasons

Am I a catfish?

I mean it’s not my fault that I’m so photogenic after hours of editing. I’m not going to deliberately post an ugly picture of myself that’s just not what smart girls do. This makes choosing a profile picture an emotionally taxing chore. What if I run into someone from online IRL? I’m sure they’ll have plenty of questions like are you going to introduce us to your forehead pimple? and did you forget your lips at home? All of the sudden I’m a fraud. But on the bright side you get to learn a lot about yourself and how much you are willing to lie online.

What does the background say about me?

When picking an avi every little detail is crucial to leading a successful online presence. People have no lives and notice everything. You can look like Jennifer Lopez and someone would still have the nerve to ask why your room looks like an episode of hoarders? or why it looks like the walls are bending around your butt area? So you have to find a picture where you’re outside and look like you have a life, preferably at brunch holding a drink. People love people who brunch.

Do I look like I own more than one outfit?

When picking a profile picture, you need people to know that you’re doing good. You want your old high school friends to envy you. You want the boys to want you and the girls to want to be you or whatever kind of thing you’re into.  Therefore, it’s v important to not get caught IRL wearing the same outfit as your profile picture. Always put up a picture from a different season. If it’s winter put up a picture wearing summer clothes. You don’t want to embarrass yourself. 

Is it too soon for a new profile picture?

I feel like for Facebook the boundaries are clear you need to keep your profile picture for as long as you can because you need your friends and family to think that you’re not a superficial person, you don’t care about these things. But on Twitter and Grindr the lines are blurred because people don’t personally know you and you want them to believe a fantasy version of yourself where you seem cool and collected. So changing avi and profile picture too many times too soon might make you come off as needy or a little unstable but what is too soon? I mean there is no avi etiquette book ($business venture$) all of this is personal intuition and it’s very stressful

Thinking about all of this makes me wish that I was like my friend Lisa. Lisa posts the same selfie 3 three times a day looking in a different direction in each one. I want to be Lisa, confident and carefree but if I did not spend 30 minutes a day feeling anxious about the impact of my profile pictures on my online presence I would not be myself, I would be fake like my profile picture.